The story, below, is Inspired by Realtor Jeff Hansen's retweet:
RT @teamrenjen: RT"@nrepbeatthebank: Real estate investors see rising house prices as great flipping opportunities. ht.ly/lxzUZ";
— Jeff Hansen (@jcharleshansen) May 30, 2013
Link Here To Our Realtors, Small Biz Social Media, "Get Personal" Promotion!
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Jeff is my new hero, for helping me find a topic in the #RealEstate field to write about. I searched on Twitter for "house flipping", and his was the first to show up.
Of course, I hope each and everyone of you 'realtors' enjoy it...
Of course, I hope each and everyone of you 'realtors' enjoy it...
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There is nothing more humiliating then thinking you are dead-right on something, only to find out in the midst of digging yourself deeper, as you see the writhing wry writing on the wall, smell the rotten egg splattered in your facial hair, and feel the dirty mop bucket of dumbbell dumping on your head, that you have been led astray, along a long, run-on sentence.
Sometimes these incidents are caused by someone you trusted, who fed you the wrong information on purpose, other times it may be an arrogance that diverts your attention from more vital selfish acts you may have attempted instead, or it was an inability to see what's coming because you have not thought it through, like taking the fork in the road when you come to, and come to it.
My hero, Rob Petrie (aka DVD) dealt with this kind of entrapment of the mind and body on many occasions. The ottoman tripwire empire was actually one of his main entry foes. The craziest incident of fabrication was when he was 'thought' to have lost a fight to his wife, Laura...
No, it was a REAL fight, violent activities and everything! Some people thought this fight was caught on film, but I know Rob would never have put himself in any such predicament, and would have dealt with it in a proper, unselfish way, plus... http://youtu.be/-pqAeyw-7uc?t=13m43s
Obviously and of course, as with Rob, I've never had that happen to me, but I will tell this story in the first person to give it some believability. It's a true story; I've just taken on the persona so it seems like it is me. Yet it's really only a composite of various scenarios of pictorials people have alleged to have collected on me without my knowledge or approval.
While you may hear from others that I may be closely associated with this specific incident, those people are not, have not and never will be trustworthy in my eyes. Trust me, I'd never lie to you.
What would I have to gain? (Except possibly protect myself from more ridicule and derision.) These meanderings in no way pin this incident on me. Many a lawyer has helped me dump, jump and bail on more elaborate conflicts with my interests, as in scrubbing-clean-my-record to a smudgy and nearly opaque perfection.
And while my record is unblemished, there is always some clown (co-worker, friend, sibling, relative or spouse) in the audience trying to dredge up some fabrication (that I was not a part of fabricating). Therefore, please be aware this couldn't have happened to me because I have said, now written, that it couldn't have happened, and no others need be queried about it. These insignificant people would just try to unfabricate, which isn't even a real word. So there!
More To Story Below
A New Real Estate Term is Coined, and Pun-Ish-Minted!
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NOTE: I will use various props in this essay including malapropisms, but I've never known any actual malapropisms. Those are lies about my college days when I wasn't part of a vegetarian community coop, and never worked as their designated onion organizer. I did write for the Veggie Worker's Daily in the fields, and I did date Ms. Tater Heady Lamarr, who was an intern at our student paper and archivist society. I eventually left her leaning, because she could never keep it together.
Ms. Falling Apart was a scatter brain, and of other parts, if I ever knew one, or any of the Hasbrothers progeny. And I never have, since I just may be smart enough not to date one.
(Remember, this isn't really me. And no one can prove it, or I will deny it, which ever is required.)
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So I'm bulking up to get ready for my realtor's house feat. Lifting free of weights. Downing orange pushups and curling Dilly Bars. While reading up on my new Real Estate career, via the Twitter digitized mechanism. (Note to brain: It's hard for me to read more than two or three sentences at a sitting.)
My goal is to do what a lot of people like you are trying to do now in your local market, and make the same good money. No, it's being a realtor, not doing MMA at local bars, which my workout now qualifies me to attend as a bar stool spinning and fully covering entity...
Actually I tried some MMA, but I'm not a good wrestler, don't like to hit, and the owners always frowned at my kicking, screaming, and slapping. The audience would also boo, hiss, and throw sh..!
As anyone in the business knows, the realty agent personage business: I'm talking about serial turnovers, how's tipping taxed, or is it... house flipping? Yes, that's it, house flipping! And I wanted to be a real-torquer of homes. I guess that's what they call a realtor who flips homes. It's what my buddy told me, and I can always trust my buddies. I think.
Anyway, I have all this training at the DQ, where a lot a real stately sized people hang out, read at least a dozen tweets about doing the flipper thing, and talked a few times with my trustworthy buddy. He seemed to know a lot about flipping; always getting things to turned around on me fast. He's so good, I barely know what's going on when he's done with me. I'm been voted his best stooge, a big honor in our group. (So far it's just me and him.)
He said he studied a lot of spin dynamics, plus had worked on flywheels at the local lawn mover repair, and chop shop, and we both stole hub caps to make money for our Twitter accounts. He was the one who bought my Twitter account, he knew a guy, whose friend married a gal that got them for next to nothing online! Ironically that's where I do a lot of my Twitter, using the internet.
You should try it. But make sure you buy your Twitter account from my buddy. Real-torquers like you don't want to get ripped off.
Then I go out to do my first flipping of a house, and I was at a loss, even with all my training, trying to figure out how to get a grip on it. This concept was probably the most complicated part of the process, and my training left me totally without the capacity to figure it out.
Sadly, I think it was so simple that it was beyond me. I started doubting it was even possible. Yet, every time I asked anyone about it, I got this look of total disbelief. Like, "Good god, man! Can't you even figure this out?"
For example, one of the most common statements to me was made by those who I figured were NOT real-torquers, just civilians (that's what we call them, in the biz, civilians). Yet there were real-torquers! So I would describe my frustrations, that I could NOT find a good place to get a hold of the house, and was even doubting anyone could half turn one, let alone flip them all the way.
The look was always the same, their chin would drop, their eyes would twist around, and they would put their hands on my shoulders, and say something like, "Get a grip on it, dude! You've obviously gone off the deep end, or you're a total moron. Just get a grip on it!"
There it is, a grip. But where? I'd grab the garage door handle, and it just lifts up. No torque there to speak of. The other door doorhandles twirl around, and after many, many, many tries, I got blisters. And my hands hurt!
Okay, it was only three tries with the door doorhandles, but I type all day, so my hands are very soft. I would say subtle, but that seems to creep a lot of people out. Especially my buddy, he told me never to say that again, around him or his buddies from the lawnmower chop shop, and cheaper than cheap Twitter account MLM club.
Luckily, those blisters are almost gone. (Of course, I mean the person I'm writing about, his blisters.) As the healing continues, I have had some time to review what went wrong, and how I can join the elite real-torquer team. What it would take, and where I could get better training in getting a grip on things.
The utter disdained looks I received have kept me from discussing this with others (one reason I write this anonymously - for that other person). Yet, I have decided to study jujitsu and judo, which has given me a lot of confidence like the senseis are always saying on Karate Kid, and other clips I see on the very popular YouTellyTubby.com (according to my buddy).
Soon I will have the insight I need to flip a house, and show everyone I'm not one shingle short of a in-the-big-house Rufus-err. By combining many, even dozens of house flipping tweets with my marital smarts and eharmonious.com profiles development, I've have a repertoire of exceptional wherewithal to accomplish something semi-legitimate. Something I feel (gingerly since my hands are still a bit tender) is perhaps and possibly and hopefully plausibly within my grasp!
My new mantra is "Get a grip on it Dude. Get a hold of yourself (by each shoulder, shake myself) and snap out of it!" And one day I hope to do that, and join the ranks of people like you...
America's: the few, the proud, and the agile... Real-Torquers!
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Written, Conceptual Senior Moments, and Posted by
Richard The Chwalek
See Richard here
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I want to thank Realtor Jeff Hansen again for inspiring me and this flipping tale story. I hope he doesn't hold it against me.
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Jeff Hansen Proud father and husband ~ die hard GS Warriors fan ~ Team Leader/Broker Assoc. w/ Keller Williams ~ coffee addict ~ tennis aficionado Silicon Valley, CA ---------------
